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Sometimes we write as if our thoughts are organised :
➤ Rare 0.74 acre freehold site with a large private garden.
Prime location in the heart of Chelsea. Existing building extends to a total of 38,080 sq ft (GIA). To be sold with full vacant possession of the buildings.
While the text appears clear, it lacks flow for the following reasons:
▪︎ short sentences create a stilted effect
▪︎ no sentence continuity
▪︎ disorganised information, requiring reader to re-read
▪︎ undefined acronym
By grouping like with like, we can create a text which readers much better:
➤ Located in the heart of Chelsea, this prime 0.74 acre freehold site includes a 38,080 sq ft building with large garden. Sold with full vacant procession.
With fewer words, we have improved flow and efficiently delivered the message.
How would you re-write the text?