Flow in the garden

Sometimes we write as if our thoughts are organised:

➤ Rare 0.74 acre freehold site with a large private garden. Prime location in the heart of Chelsea. Existing building extends to a total of 38,080 sq ft (GIA). To be sold with full vacant possession of the buildings.

While the text appears clear, it lacks flow and clarity for the following reasons:

• short sentences create a stilted effect

• no sentence continuity

• disorganised information, requiring reader to re-read

• undefined acronym

• initially appears a garden is attached to an empty site (normally, a garden is attached to a house)

By grouping like with like, we can create a text which flows, providing information logically:

➤ Located in the heart of Chelsea, this prime 0.74 acre freehold site includes a 38,080 sq ft building with large garden. Sold with full vacant procession.

Although fewer words, we have improved flow and efficiently delivered the message.